BRINGING UP BABY: FEELING THROUGH THE 4TH TRIMESTER

I learn many things about baby and being a mummy every day. But in the fourth trimester I remember most fondly four things he’s taught me as we’ve bonded about some of our simplest feelings, emotions and actions. Some of this is old hat to many, or sounds poetic or too sugar tinted. Perhaps it is, but after such a long wait I’m taking the rougher days with the smooth and remembering the smooth better because the rough hasn’t been as rough as the rough that we’ve dealt with.

Trust

I am his world. He trusts me with everything, even when he doesn’t realise. He has no reason not to trust me. I kept him safe for 39 weeks. In that time he learnt my voice, arriving into the world knowing it. Staring at my voice before he could see and recognise me. Trusting it.

He trusts me yet it’s so easy to misread what he wants and then he screams, his eyes are wet and pained. It breaks my heart to break his trust in this way but we figure it out, have a snooze and are ok again.

The trust of a baby is something we just don’t see as adults. Look at the mess the world is in. Why would anyone trust anyone in the pure and innocent way a baby does. I wish we could.

Adult tip: always do the right thing by everyone. Trust has to be earned in the adult world so do things with integrity and honesty.

Expression

Facial expressions give him away! I can (usually) tell when he is tired, happy, bored, about to melt, upset, in pain or interested in something… Just from his face! I love the honesty of his expression. Although to make it interesting, tired yawns don’t always mean he will nap and asking for milk doesn’t always mean he wants milk…

From the moment he started smiling and his eyes started darting around with interest, it struck me just how much our face says about what we are thinking. Even if we think we have a poker face… I am fairly certain that when I have been bored or tired in a meeting, everyone knew…

Babies use expression to show when they are happy or excited. The gurgles of delight, legs and arms waving in the air! He doesn’t ever play coy or restrained! He’s an open book.

Adult tip: be an open book yourself and read body language better. Take a lesson in honesty and care. See when someone needs support through an expression, even if they say they are ‘fine’. And it isn’t unprofessional or indecorous to be excited!

Touch

Cuddles and skin to skin make most things better for a baby, as long as they are fed and cleaned too! Their need for closeness, to snuggle and smell you is intense. His little arms go up now when he wants to be held.

Touch has changed though. One it was just to snuggle and be held. Now he has his fingers he needs to hold and grab and cling to everything he comes into contact with. God bless those bugs dangling above his play mat that get beaten up for hours a day…

Adult tip: a hug for an adult is the best thing too. We greet friends with hugs, we cuddle a loved one as we doze off to sleep. It’s a way to protected our loved ones.

[Side note – I write this pacing the lounge with him sleeping out his nap in the carrier which is delivering a low effort hug…]

Love

It normally develops slowly. But with a baby it’s immediate. The bundle arrives on your tummy and you know for as long as you live you’ll do anything for it. In fact you have done since that wee onto a stick…

It shows in the way he looks at me, when I first see him in the morning, or even if he wakes me at night. When he is feeding. When his eyes follow me round a room or he looks at me when someone else is cuddling him. The love from a baby shows as a desire that is unique. And heartmelting to experience as a mother.

And I didn’t know it was possible to love something, someone, so much, just like that.

Adult tip: At baby massage the coach asked us all what we do to relax… We didn’t think of much between us… I take him for a walk in the carrier, nap when he naps, meet mums for play dates… Nothing just for me… A reminder that for all the love we have for him we have to remember to look after ourselves too. A different love but equally as important.

We are his world and his hero’s and any time invested in us is also very good for him.

The fourth trimester has been incredible and challenging in equal measure. And nothing like I could have imagined. I didn’t know if I’d enjoy being a mummy or be any good at it. But I love it, and I hope I am doing a good job like Mr P says. Somehow we have worked out the right things to do for each challenge!! I have been told so many times it will get harder and sleep will regress… But even so, it’s an absolute blast ploughing this furrow as a little family, even when it’s difficult.

The next stage with whatever challenges it throws will still be full of these emotions and bonds, but also with an ever more animated and expressive little boy.

Mr P and I both still find it totally surreal that there’s actually a tiny human in our lives, totally reliant on us! And we find the speed with which he is changing and developing astonishing. Such special times amongst the nappies and the milk!!

He is adorable. The love of our lives.

My (our) new best buddy even on a bad day makes my (our) day!