I will start with the only important thing that really needs to be said about feeding a baby… A well fed baby is a happy baby is the best type of baby. And a happy baby means a happy Mummy.
#fedisbest
We didn’t have a particularly stressful time, but feeding baby still had its moments. I feel lucky to have breast fed my baby but I also feel relieved that early on I needed to use formula too. It was a decision that didn’t really need taking – whether or not to use formula – he needed it. I am thankful it all worked out. I really had no expectations, so providing for my baby in such a natural way has been an unexpected enjoyable reward.
I am sharing all this because listening to everyone’s stories helped me work things out. There’s not much in pregnancy or mothering like that. Normally it’s best to shut your ears and work it out yourself. But with feeding, no one has it easy, so hearing other stories and casually listening to random advice… Well, it is actually useful!
How it worked for me
The first couple of days were pretty easy. Baby latched drowsily, fed contentedly and wasn’t that needy. I had enough colostrum to satisfy him and it was a comfortable pastime for us both.
The midwives at hospital helped with formula – I am not really sure why, they seemed to be doing it for all babies, perhaps due to the heatwave, although he was 6th percentile so probably that?.. Whatever reason, it helped in the long run. They asked me what formula I wanted… No clue – I was high as a kite on whatever drugs they’d pumped into me, so I picked Cow & Gate because I have cows in the back garden…
The hardest stumble for me was a few days in. My colostrum was used up and the proper stuff hadn’t arrived. Baby was trying to feed but there was nothing there. It was upsetting for him (he screamed as loudly as a newborn can, which sounded loud at the time) and stressful for us. Thankfully we had formula and a bottle just in case. I had bought a bottle for my hospital bag and had the foresight to send Mr P to Tesco for formula the morning after the birth when he was scuttling around preparing the house for our return!
But we hadn’t actually thought about needing and using it…
While I stressed that I might never be able to nurse my baby again (I was already attached), Mr P spooned formula into Baby P’s mouth in a little scoop sterilised in boiling water. We really had no idea what to do when it came to formula feeding… How to or how much… The Dr Browns bottle was almost the same size as him!!
While Mr P spoon fed baby I had a stressful dig through all the freebies we’d collected. The nursery appointment at John Lewis came up trumps again: microwave sterilising bags. Bingo! For the next feed we had a sterilised bottle and I had done my Milton research and ordered tablets and a big Tupperware box!
And then the next morning I woke up rock solid. My milk had arrived. Owww! An eventually relieved Mummy, and a satisfied and full baby. Thankfully his overnight bottle exploits hadn’t poisoned him or put him off nursing!
We were good for a few days then, no pain and midwife visits always came with good advice and new ideas to keep me going. We didn’t top up with formula all the time, but a couple of feeds a day had an ounce or two of Cow & Gate support. I would have become welded to the sofa and red raw were it not for this!
In those early weeks I lost track of how many times his tiny cry for milk would wake us at night or be a call to arms in the day. I loved it, and let’s face it in the early days we watched him sleep being too nervous to properly sleep ourselves in case something happened. It was draining in many ways but rewarding in so many others. To be needed and the centre of someone’s universe and able to solve their problem is an incredible feeling!
As he got more hungry nursing wasn’t as comfortable and so became less fulfilling… One side always hurt, and when Lansinoh cream had recovered that side, then the other side hurt. I didn’t quite dread feeding on the sore side but I was always relieved when it was the turn of the ok side… Bottle feeds increased slowly as a result, but I didn’t give up nursing, I wanted him to have the benefit of as much of my milk as I could give him. I started using shields and the pain vanished.
And that’s how we happily continued, I nursed as long as I could, then topped up with the bottle. We definitely cracked combination feeding and baby and I both enjoyed our time together. We would have longer feeds in the night and early morning when he was calm and during the day shorter ones with the bottle feed to keep him satisfied (and give Mr P some more Daddy and baby time too). We all got to bond, and baby wasn’t hungry or feeding every 10 minutes. Having a baby that happily feeds on breast and bottle took the pressure off me, there was always another option if I needed it.
After that first traumatic night when I had no milk and was worried using a bottle might be the end of my feeding, it got better and easier and I remember the first few times out and about being easy too. That really helped my confidence too. Let’s be honest, if you can just whip out a boob and give a baby milk, then feeding emergencies are pretty straightforward!
There were however times when I just couldn’t just nurse him, especially as he got bigger and hungrier and more aware of his surroundings. Out in public with lots going on for him to look at, it is nigh on impossible to keep him latched (and retain any modesty). So the bottle was essential for sanity and to quell hunger.
His 3 to 4 hour routine change was a hard one as it took me a while to work out. He was ahead of me in the text book as I didn’t see it coming. So I couldn’t work out why he screamed (normally in public) when I tried to feed him every three hours. Turns out his circadian rhythm was doing its thing and he didn’t want anything for another hour!
The routine stretch was at around 4 months and he became too hungry to get what he needed quickly enough from me at the start of each feed. For this reason we drifted into the position we are in now where I nurse him first thing in the morning, at bedtime, for the dream feed and (if he wakes) in the night. But the other feeds are bottle. I didn’t have to take that decision, it sort of just happened that we got into a groove that worked for him and that clearly keeps him happy. The slowdown meant no soreness for me either. I enjoy the feeds I do, so I hope my body continues to make milk in smaller proportions. I will savour the time and carry on as long as my body allows. His eyes are so earnest and his grasp so tight when I feed him that I don’t want to have to make a conscious decision to stop.
What I learnt
Not to be tough on myself when it doesn’t seem to work or the baby isn’t happy. I took it far too seriously at times when all I needed to do was give him a bottle to quell the initial hunger and then go back to feeding from me to fill him up. Early on it was easy to get paranoid that using the bottle first may mean he’d never want breast again… But as soon as I learnt that he just needed a full tummy any which way, things were a lot more relaxed for us both!
The opinion of a health visitor can be frustrating and wrong. They are helpful don’t get me wrong, but in my experience their opinions on feeding are offensive. Comments like… ‘when will you reduce the reliance on bottle feed’ or ‘feeding baby as you are supposed to’… have no place when you see a healthy baby and a confident mummy. Bringing self-doubt into a parents mind who is doing a good job is downright foolish. At three months we finally met an HV that had read a textbook written in the 21st century… She congratulated me for having such a happy healthy baby and for being successful with combination feeding. That conversation gave me the best reassurance that I had given baby what he needed and could be flexible about the next steps.
To ask for help. Midwives or friends will all have ideas that might be useful and your experience may help someone else. In many bits of pregnancy and parenthood there is too much annoying advice, but with feeding, no one’s journey will be simple and a random titbit from someone might work for you. Hear all the stories and ideas to find one that works for you.
I wasn’t sure about cluster feeds and dream feeds. But I am fairly certain they are part of the reason why he slept through the night so often and so young. Cluster feeding in the early evening keeps him happy rather than fractious and slowly fills up his tummy. The dream feed is then a snoozy little top up at our bedtime (it does rather curtail the odd glass of wine) which typically gets him through until around 6.30am (and then he only seems to want to chat, not to eat)!
Most nursing tops seem to be stripey. I think it is to do with the monochrome thing that babies quite like when their vision is new… But I didn’t want to look like a zebra at all times and so snapped up any that weren’t covered in stripes at any chance I got!
Bottle feeding is really handy for Daddy and baby bonding and for sharing the load. That Sam got to spend so much time giving baby what he needed was a blessing: for him to enjoy that time, for me to snooze/wash/relax or indeed to make him tea for once! Whilst I haven’t let many others feed the baby, for his grandparents it has been a great way for them to get involved in his day to day.
Nipple shields and comfortable bras are essential. I still use the shields for every feed. Since the moment I started using them I haven’t had a jot of pain. A bit fussy to put on, but pain free suits me and baby is happy. We had the occasional flood when he dozed off and the shield filled with milk, but I wore more of that than him!
A key part of paternity leave is keeping mum fed and nourished. I wasn’t tired from feeding, I had come into bloom. But the speed at which my baby weight vanished made it clear I was burning all my calories. Fast. Finger food was needed and it had to be healthy and plentiful. Water was also needed in vast quantities, and I still carry a water bottle everywhere now!
Passing on a cold through breast milk creates mum guilt. Fact. But there isn’t really much choice, there’s still more good in the milk than bad.
Paracetamol is all you can have if you’re poorly and breastfeeding. Dire.
Baby screaming in public is mortifying! There were times when he screamed so loudly at the start of a feed out in public, a bystander would reasonably think from the noise that he hadn’t been fed for his living days… Somedays he just isn’t interested in milk. Or he’ll react so badly to fresh milk being offered one would think it sour… It’s normally ok ten minutes later! It’s bad when this happens out and about – quite a spectacle!
Feeding in public is often too much for baby. Far too much to look at, a sensory overload which means he can’t focus on his milk! We often need to be somewhere quiet to convince him to eat!!
Hair loss and wind. Nuff said. Both annoying.
Formula and sterilising guidance is all a bit vague as companies seem to have slopey shoulders. We did what made sense.
Sterilising bags are foolproof but a bit of a faff and a waste of electricity. These bags are good for when we are away or visiting friends as it’s easy to pop the bottle in the bag and in the microwave. I keep one in the changing bag. I have a permanent Milton water box in the kitchen. Bottles go in and out all day. The dishwasher is a pretty good steriliser too.
I hate the instructions on the side of the prepared milk bottles about how long it can be open for. Some are 24 hours, some 48 hours. I don’t want to feed my baby gone off milk but I do feel that nervous new mums are taken advantage of, for the benefit of the milk company’s revenue.
My milk allergy wasn’t passed on… Thank goodness! That first night of formula I also worried constantly he’d be allergic and we’d make him sick when he was so little.
The Tommy Tippee Perfect Preparation Machine has been essential. No faff. Easy to do even in the small hours! I just wish it had an inbuilt coffee maker… Key is to keep it clean, weekly. Having taken apart a coffee machine and Camelback, the pipes collect mould and limescale if they aren’t cleaned and you don’t want that being part of baby’s milk drinking. Why it has no coffee machine attached to it I don’t know?!
Old fashioned mixing up of formula isn’t that hard. If we are out for the day, I boil water and put it in a big bottle that I can decant from. As the day passes it cools. When he needs milk we get boiling water from a coffee shop to put into the bottle first to sterilise the formula and then add the water I brought with me. However, the 70ml Cow and Gate single use starter bottles with teats I still swear by. So handy for any milk emergency!
Routine is a blessing and a curse! When he got onto his three hour routine I was so pleased as I knew broadly how a day would pan out. And when he would need a nap. But it can tie you to home, and to routine. I like him to have the first nap of the day in his cot. It’s the most important (I think) and so I begrudge leaving the house before 10. I also like to nap the first nap! We have missed things as a result, but life goes on and our days are always better for that first nap. He often takes one or other nap in the pram, car or baby carrier (but he always takes them).
I got worried sometimes about leaving the house. I would be worried about him kicking off and needing an unexpected feed. Turns out it’s never as bad as you think, the milk is always there and the more you know your baby the easier to read the signs before the noise starts!
Routine or otherwise, babies are resilient. If they are fed when they need it and sleep when they need to, then I really don’t think the routine needs to be perfect every day. He likes his routine but with planning he is still happy if I make it a little different from time to time.
But routine-smoutine. Baby’s love routine. Apart from when they don’t (laughing to myself)… Normally on a day when you needed a full nights sleep and you have people visiting that you’ve nonchalantly told that baby likes to stick to his routine… Baby ignores his routine and makes the day a living hell guessing what might happen next…
Just doing one activity or trip a day makes it so much easier on him and me. When we have struggled the most on sleep or feeding, was when I tried to fit too much in and lost track of his needs.
My baby likes to snack through his feed. Sometimes I feel like we are feeding all day. Like mother like son… Not like the textbook! It means there’s always a little bit of milk left to start a cot nap which is handy! Randomly though, regardless of when he finished the bottle or I last fed him, he does know when it is time for the next new feed in his routine!
Anecdotes and highlights
Nursing is a unique way to bond. I don’t think I have felt closer to my baby than in the night, when he is nursing quietly, gazing earnestly at me and it’s just us awake in the silent and dark house. I have never begrudged being woken. And the baby snuggles he rewards me with as he dozes off full of milk and oxytocin are some of the softest cuddles! A couple of partners said to me at work before the baby arrived, enjoy the night feeds, they end too soon… I looked at them sideways like they were mad… I totally get it now. It’s a special time for mummy and baby and much as I adore him sleeping through, I also miss our time together in the small hours. There’s something really enduring about it and I feel privileged to have shared it with him.
I still look back amazed at how he knew to do it. Twenty minutes old he got himself where he needed to be and fed. Just like that, incredible to watch and be part of in my delirious state. He was the one that knew what he was doing and he was newborn!
Mr Pecker was his name as a newborn. When he was hungry he would peck on my shoulder until he could find what he wanted, with the biggest widest eyes. The cutest thing ever. Whilst loudly sucking one of his hands.
He doesn’t like me doing anything else whilst feeding. Talk and he wants to be in the conversation. Be in an interesting place and he will contort his body to see it (he’ll happily have his head below his body twisted 180 degrees away from me… whilst feeding). Try and use an iPhone and there’s hell to pay – a kindle is preferred. Loose concentration and he’ll be watching me crossly. He likes to writhe around at the start of each feed, he expects the bottle teat to stay in his mouth at all times! Overfeed and he’ll happily blow it back at me as bubbles!
He runs a cheese factory. As a result of his unconventional feeding positions milk seems to get everywhere, and when it collects in fingers, under the chin, behind the ears… It turns quickly to cheese! I used to think it was my bra that smelt but then I realised it was my darling baby boy! Far more attentive now at wiping up any dribble during a feed and wielding a Water Wipe at any opportunity! An evening bath with Daddy makes sure he’s properly cleaned of milk from head to toe!
He loves to have something to hold onto whenever he is feeding. Once he’s latched and the arms stop windmilling from excitement, he’ll hang on to a piece of clothing or one of my fingers. And that finger he will treat like a car gear lever… If he can’t find anything to hang onto then he’ll twiddle his thumbs.
I haven’t missed many sunrises since July. Luckily our bed gives me such a great view and there have been so many beautiful ones really.
The biggest burps are generated by this gorgeous little boy. He’s been quite easy to wind for a few months now. Stood in my lap after the feed, the burp will quickly follow! I was a proud mum when he did one of his best on a packed commuter train out of London! I am not sure at what point we stop congratulating this prowess and encourage politeness!!
I really do feel fortunate to have been able to nurse my baby boy, and for so long too. I also feel fortunate to have had options and been able to use formula. It’s amazed me that we’ve stuck to our little feeding routine and worked it out between us. I’m sure many have a dissenting view on me choosing to combi feed, but my boy hasn’t wanted for anything and plays, sleeps and develops well.
I will always reflect fondly on the fact that I fed another human myself and I want to celebrate that. Regardless of also using milk, with the ups and downs it’s an amazing little achievement for us both. I feel certain that the best way to feed a baby is the way that keeps you both happy. He’s happy and healthy. I’m happy and healthy.
And five months in, when we do stop nursing it’ll be a joint decision and I will know I have given him all that he wanted.
